Pregnancy Week 35

I'm really tired of this drama filled pregnancy. It's exhausting. Thank God it's almost over!

Yesterday I went in for my regular OB appt and growth u/s. Things went perfectly fine until I had my u/s, and they found that the baby hadn't grown at all in 2 weeks. (he was 5lbs 11oz two weeks ago, measured 5lbs 12 oz yesterday) What scary news to receive. There was talk of doing an amnio and seeing if his lungs were mature and just delivering, but they called downstairs to my MFM and he wanted me to spend a night in the hospital and have the baby's heartrate monitored. At about 8:30 this morning we went in for another scan, this time with the same sonographer and u/s machine as they used 2 weeks ago when they measured me, and she measured him at 6lbs 7oz. So according to that u/s, he did indeed grow. His rate of growth has slowed down, but not to a scary level. He's still measuring ahead about 3 weeks. Kadence weighed 6lbs 4oz when she was born at 38 weeks, the average is 6lbs 3oz I think. So he's already bigger than that at 35 weeks. This is all according to u/s of course, they can be off +/- a pound.

My c-section has been scheduled for December 28th at 10 am. Makes me nervous that a date has been set! That's only 12 days away! I'm so curious to see if I actually make it to 37 weeks. When the doctor measured my belly yesterday I measured 40 weeks. No wonder I feel like I'm ready to pop. Geesh!

So now I'm back at the hotel, just kind of hanging out for the next 12 days.

If I'm not home by Christmas (I'd have to deliver by this Sunday in order to be home by then) we are planning on postponing (sp?) Christmas until me and baby are home. I told Kadence that I wrote a letter to Santa Claus, and he wrote me back saying that he would make a special trip back to our house when our whole family was together. Such a sweet little girl, she has absolutely no objections to waiting until we're all together.


I went home this weekend to see the kids and that helped sooo much. I feel like a brand new person. Within minutes of arriving home everything was back to normal. I wondered how the little ones would act towards me, if they'd act differently towards me. But other than being a little shy for a few minutes, they were all piled on my lap playing with me and giggling like I was never gone. For the first couple of hours they didn't even want me to get up to go to the bathroom. Lol. Kadence about knocked me over with her hug when she got home from school. I got all teary eyed. My kids are the best. :)


So within the next 12 days I'll be holding my newborn son. That thought alone will get me through the next week and a half. :)

One Day at a Time

I've been in this hotel for a week now. Kind of neat that I've gotten a whole week out of the way. Even if I do make it to that 37 week mark for my scheduled c-section, I only have 2 weeks and 5 days left. In the grand scheme of things, 2 weeks 5 days is nothing. It should just fly by. But being up here alone, away from my family, with nothing to do.. the days drag on. And thinking of spending 19 more days in this hotel makes me want to cry. And sometimes I do cry. ;-)

The awesome thing is all of the NICU time that we're avoiding by me remaining pregnant. That in itself is worth it. Totally worth it. If I can make it until next week, we could have a take-home baby! Especially since I'll have to spend 4 days in the hospital after my c-section- if he does require some hospital stay, I'm hoping those 4 days will be enough for him to come home with me when I get discharged.

I got to see the kids on Saturday, that was so nice! Rowan acted normally towards me, but the boys seemed a bit shy. Broke my heart a little bit, but Davey reassured me that as soon as I get home things will be back to normal. They were just in a strange place and weren't quite sure why Mommy was living here now and not at home. It was wonderful to see them, and totally lifted my spirits to hug them and kiss them and tell them in person that I love them. Kadence was able to spend TWO nights with me at the hotel! It was great! She had so much fun, and was in dire need of some mommy time. Poor little thing cried and cried when she had to leave though. I cried too. I'll see her and the little ones again this weekend. I can't wait.

I take the days hour by hour. Some hours are harder than others. Some days are rougher than the next. I miss my family horribly. And I know they miss me, too. Kadence takes it the hardest, she cries almost every time we talk on the phone. "I just want to snuggle with you." She says that and her little tears just start flowing. Then I spend the next 20 minutes telling her that I miss her too, and that Mommy will be home very soon. Sigh. This is definitely rough.


But like everyone says, soon this will be a distant memory, and I'll be at home, enjoying my 4 kids, and my NEW little baby boy. ^_^ I'm going to be a mommy of 5 soon! I can't believe that, still sounds so strange to me! But I love it. Absolutley love it. Being a Mommy is what I was put on this earth for. :)

Weekend Update

Well since I won't have a computer until Tuesday I thought I would do a little update on how I'm doing.

My contractions have been ok. They've been picking up more again so I'm not sure how long it will be before I wind back up at the hospital. Hoping I can hold off at least a few more days as hospital life isn't fun.

Hotel life is boring. I just sit here in my room all day doing nothing. I talk on the phone some, watch t.v. when I can find something interesting to watch, stare at the walls. LOL.

My spirits are up today because for the first time since Monday morning I get to see my kids!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!! I just want to squeeze them and kiss their little faces and never let go. ^_^


Since I won't have a computer until Tuesday, if I have any updates I'll post them via Twitter up in the left hand corner of this page, and also on Facebook.

Have a great weekend. :)

Long Update from the Hospital Hotel

It's been another long week. Monday morning we drove to St. John's in Springfield because I was feeling some pains along my scar, and having an increase in contractions. At first, I think they were planning on letting me go home (after sitting there on the monitors for about 3 hours) and then the contractions really picked up.

I wound up contracting really hard for about 12 hours. They were super intense (on the TOCO monitor they were starting out at zero and going up to the 120's-140's) and were coming every 2 minutes. I think around 7 that night they gave me pain meds. I finally stopped contracting at about 2am.

Amazingly, my cervix didn't change any. Funny how now it seems as though I have a cervix of steel. Could have used that with the last pregnancy. ;)

The doctors are concerned about my c-section scar and these contractions. They don't like the idea of me being so far away from the hospital, so I am now stationed in a hotel right across the street from the hospital until I deliver.

This is tough. I haven't seen my kids since Monday morning. :( I am hoping that someone can bring them up to see me on Saturday. I miss them so much. :(




I'm going to try to answer some questions that some of you have.


Why can't you stay in the hospital? If you're too high-risk to go home, why can't they just let you stay in the hospital?

This we don't quite understand either. The doctors tell us it's because I really don't need 24 hr. supervision in a hospital, so they couldn't justify me staying there. We already checked with our insurance, and we are covered 100% at this point due to meeting our maximum out of pocket this year. I guess the hospital was unwilling to code things so that we could get it covered.


So why didn't you just go home anyway? Why let the doctors tell you what to do?

Well for 2 reasons. 1, we were told that if I leave Springfield, that I would be discharged against medical advice. That can cause a whole lot of issues, such as having to find another hospital, or even getting dropped from our insurance. But even more importantly, the reason I chose to stay was because I honestly didn't feel comfortable being so far away from a hospital either. I know this stinks, and I know it's going to be hard, but my safety and the baby's safety is what's most important right now.


Why can't they just drain some fluid out of the amniotic sac?

The main reason is because it's really risky. Even riskier than my risk of rupturing. It would be done the same way as an amnio is done to check for lung development, but rather than having to drain 2 tablespoons of fluid, they would have to drain a lot of fluid. Which would mean the needle would have to be in there for a long time. Issues that could arise could be rupturing of the sac, infection, and draining that much fluid the baby may not handle it well. There is also no medical data showing that by draining off some of the fluid that it will help slow my contractions or reduce my risk of rupturing. (this is what we were told...makes no sense to us) The only way they will drain fluid off from around the baby is if I have so much fluid build up that it's difficult for me to breathe. Sounds like a lovely side effect doesn't it?


So what's the game plan?

The game plan is to make it to 37 weeks, do an amnio, and do a c-section to deliver the baby. I will be 37 weeks on December 28th.

If I start having strong contractions, I am supposed to have hospital security come and pick me up, and I will stay in the hospital until the contractions stop.

They won't deliver the baby until I'm in true labor. In order to be in true labor, no matter how hard you are contracting, your cervix has to be dilating. So if I go over to the hospital contracting and they see that my cervix is changing, they will deliver the baby.

I will also have regular weekly appt's for the next few weeks until I deliver.



That's all I can think of at the moment. Leave me a comment if you have any other questions and I'll do my best to try to answer them. :)


I have a laptop until Sunday, and I'm hoping I can locate another one to borrow for awhile- I'm going to go nuts up here all by myself without a computer!


Oh, one more thing. At my scan on Monday, the baby was weighing 5lbs 11oz. Can you say holy-big-fat-baby-batman?? He is measuring more like a 36 1/2 weeker vs. the 33 weeker that he is. My fluid levels are up to 32.5cm. The highest they had been previously at 28 weeks was 36cm.

Pregnancy Week 32

Sometimes I totally avoid posting an update because it seems to make the weeks go by faster. Does that sound dumb? Like today I'm posting my 32-week update, but I'll be 33 weeks in two days, so it almost seems like I bypassed this week all together. Well not totally bypassed it. Almost. :p I now find myself counting down the hours, not just the days. Lol.

My week started out very crappy. Lots of issues with my OB in Decatur. After saying he would get ahold of the Springfield doctors this past week, he told us during our appt that there was no need to. And when we would ask him questions, he would have no answers for us. Very frustrating.

My fluid levels are back up to 30 now, an increase of 5cm of fluid in just one week. That's not a good thing. And baby weighed 5lbs 1oz at Tuesday's appt.

My contractions are getting much stronger when I do have them. I can't even feel the Braxton-hicks anymore unless I happen to run my hand across my belly and then I realize I'm having one. Fortunately they haven't become regular enough for me to make another trip to the hospital, which I'm very grateful for. Lastnight they were coming pretty close for more than an hour, but then they let up again. I don't think it's a good sign that they are getting stronger, and I'm guessing when they do become regular, that I'll be in full-blown labor. And guessing by the size of my belly, I don't think that will be long.

I of course have no way of knowing when I will go into labor. My gut (no pun intended) is telling me that I won't go past 35 weeks. Heck I could go into labor tonight, there is just no telling what's going to happen. But judging by my size, and the fact that my contractions are getting stronger, I just don't think it will be more than 2 weeks. The good thing is that I'm almost 33 weeks. Some babies are take-home babies at 34 weeks. Some may spend a week or two as feeders and growers if born at 34 weeks. I would LOVE to make it 2 more weeks, and then maybe with my 3 day hospital stay after my c-section, we could bring this little guy home with us. Davey said the other day, "I sure hope we have him home for Christmas." It hadn't even crossed my mind that we wouldn't. He HAS to be home for Christmas! If you're praying, say some extra prayers that he'll be home for Chrismas, ok? ;)


I've put my fears of rupturing to the back of my mind since there is really nothing I can do about it. I'm taking it easy, listening to my body, and tyring not to stress about things. That's all I can do. I've been feeling pains along my c-section scar this past week, so I know it's definitely stretching. If it gets any more painful, I'll head to the hospital. It doesn't hurt all of the time. Just every now and then it will hurt for an hour or 2, and I'll have sharp shooting pains.


My Mom has been here for the past 11 days and it was a Godsend having her here! I give all the credit to her for me keeping this baby cooking for almost 2 extra weeks. Thank you, thank you, thank you Mom!! I love you so much! I was so sad to see you go today... but am SO thankful that I got through a couple of scary weeks with my Mom here. ^_^ Sometimes you just need your Mom, and this was definitely one of those times. Can't wait to see you again when baby Ben gets here!!!


I have my fluid levels checked again on Tuesday. If I don't post on here, check my Twitter update on the left sidebar of this page. I Twitter a lot of my updates.

Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

Pregnancy Week 31

I'm a couple of days late posting this, but am happy to report that at 31 weeks 2 days, I am still pregnant. Yay!

Sunday night I wound up back in the hospital with horrible back pain and contractions. My contractions were 5 minutes apart, then after an hour or so spaced out to every 10 minutes, and then when they were 20 minutes apart, they let me go home. No meds or hospital stay needed this time. Thank goodness.

I had another appt with my regular OB in Decatur on Tuesday. Thankfully he seems more on board with what's going on, and is being more realistic that I have some very serious issues here, and that I most likely will not make it to my scheduled c-section at 37 weeks.

We also discussed the risks of going to 37 weeks, and if the game plan should be re-evaluated. With my risk factors of large baby, excess fluid (was back up to 25 this week) and my classical c-section scar, my risk of rupturing is pretty high. Dr. P plans to call the MFM's in Springfield next week and try to come up with a new gameplan. He said it's hard to say when it may be too late to deliver, or when it's too early for the baby. He said if I rupture at home, we'd "wind up with a dead baby, and probably not a good outcome for mom either." Eek. I'm glad he put it so bluntly so Davey could understand how serious of a situation it would be if that were to occur.


We have to weigh both risk factors and try to make a decision. To me it's a no-brainer...if it's a matter of me and baby dying, or baby needing a little bit of oxygen from a nasal cannula for a few days...I choose the nasal cannula. We're not talking delivering at week 25 here, or even 30. If I make it to week 34, I think we really need to make a decision.


Dr. P also told me that at this point, if I'm having regular contractions at all, that I need to come in. If I have to go to the hospital 50 times between now and when I deliver, he said it doesn't matter. I'm to a size now that contracting at all could mean rupturing.


On a side note, I measured my uterus today with a tape measure and I'm measuring 37 weeks. I measure 14.5 inches from the top of my pubic bone to the top of my uterus. The baby is measuring 3 weeks ahead (he should be about 4lbs 11oz today), so that would put me at 34.2 weeks, so the rest must be the extra fluid causing my uterus to be so large.


Still holding out for 32 weeks. After that I'll take things day by day.

Stellan is Healed

If you've been following mckmama's blog the last couple of days, then you know that Stellan's SVT is gone. The doctors were able to do a successful ablation and fix his little heart. :)

His Mommy posted this video lastnight of the family's reunion. I cried the entire way through it. ^_^





His Mom also posted this blog a couple of days ago on miracles. Much of what she had to say completely hit home for me, as I've gone through many of these same emotions. People always call the triplets "miracles" because they were born so small, and not only survived, but have no lasting effects because of it. Even though part of me knows that they are miracles, it still is hard for me to hear when people say it.


Joey day 1


Elijah day 6



Rowan week 2




One of the hardest things I went through while my babies were in the NICU was watching other babies around me die, or hearing about other mom's online who's triplets were born at the same gestation mine were, but who didn't make it. The guilt I felt was overwhelming. Instead of wondering "why me??" I was constantly wondering "why not me??" Why were they losing their babies, but I wasn't? I knew that those babies were loved as much as mine were, and that just as many people were praying for those babies as they were mine. So why did mine live, but not theirs? It was something that I struggled with that first year, and a part of me still does. Every time someone calls Elijah, Joey and Rowan miracles, it still stings just a little, because I still think of all of those parents who didn't receive their miracle.


I can't put it into words quite like MckMama does, so I wanted to share the link with you so you could read it. Maybe it will hit home for some of you like it did me.


And for what it's worth, I do believe in miracles. I just wish everyone could have their miracles.

Discouraged

After a week of being contraction free, I thought that I was better. I had gone from being afraid that I could deliver at any moment, to believing I was going to make it to 37 weeks.

Then lastnight, the contractions started again. I was once again making that decision whether or not to go to the hospital. Thankfully after a few hours the contractions stopped, but I know it's going to be a bumpy ride from here on out. Lastnight the contractinos didn't begin until 6:00 pm. But this morning when I got out of bed I started having them right away. As of right now they are more of the braxton hicks type contractions, coming every 8-10 minutes. There are some stronger contractions every now and then, but definitely nothing to go to the hospital over. Yet I know it won't be long before these little "irritation" contractions will turn into something bigger. Lastnight they started out small, then for an hour and a half or so were quite strong. I waited it out, and they stopped. If they had gotten any stronger I would have had to head back up to Springfield.
(I was rating the pain at a 5, when I start rating them at a 6 is when I'm heading to the hospital) The braxton hicks type is more of a tightening across the top and middle of my belly. The "real" contractions cause more of a cramping and pain way low in the uterus. Not a good sign when you start to have those.


I hadn't thought about it until lastnight, but it does kind of make sense that I'm having contractions again. The reason I was having contractions was because my uterus had gotten to a size that it just couldn't handle. So they brought my fluid levels down some, and that helped. I was under the impression that if my fluid levels came down, and stayed down, that I should be able to go full term. But while the fluid was going down, baby kept getting bigger. He has gained 1 1/4 pounds since I went into the hospital. So wouldn't it make sense that if my uterus is back up to the size it was 2 1/2 weeks ago, that I would start to have contractions again?

I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen. I could have a few more days or even weeks of these lighter type of contractions. Or I could be heading up to the hospital tonight. I just don't know.


I'm taking it easy. I'm drinking my water. I'm laying down. I'm trying not to stress about it. I'm glad I'm almost 31 weeks vs. 28 weeks, I'm trying to "stick it out just a few more weeks". I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing.



Which is why it's so damned discourging.

Pregnancy Week 30

First of all, can I get a big YAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY for making it to 30 weeks?!

YAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulder just by getting out of the "20's" and into the "30's". I did NOT want to have another twenty-something week baby. And now we've made it safely out of the 20's so I don't have to worry about that anymore! Yay!

I had my first appointment with my regular OB today since my hospital stay. I say appointment, though I'm not sure I'd exactly call it that... They did my ultrasound, and according to the measurments my fluid levels are at 23cm today, which is a decrease of 5cm since Friday. I'm not buyin' it. They didn't measure the fluid the same way they did in Springfield, so I'm just not very confident that they measured it correctly.

Then we had our "appointment" with my doctor. I kid you not it lasted less than 2 minutes. Let me first say that the typical appt with Dr. P lasts about 30 seconds to 1 minute. My friend Shelby sees this doctor too, so she can back me up on this.

Here's what was said during my 1 1/2 minute appt today:


Doctor walks in the room..

Doctor: "So what did Springfield have to say." (it came out more of a statment than a question)

Me: "About what?" (I was in the hospital for 3 days dude...where do you want me to begin??)

Doctor: "About anything."


*long pause...


Me: "Um...that I had excess fluid and that the baby is measuring large...."

Doctor: "Ok. Well we'll see you back weekly for fluid checks. Then we'll go ahead and schedule your c-section for 37 weeks I guess."

Me: dumbfounded look on face, speechless that he's not discussing anything else with me.

Doctor: As he's writing out my appt for next week, "Do you have any questions?"

Me: "Um....I....well....I guess not?"

Doctor: "Ok, see ya next week." And walks out the door.


Are you KIDDING ME???? Not one single question was asked about my hospital stay. Not once did he ask me how I was feeling now, or if I was having any more contractions. Nothing was mentioned about what the game plan was if I go into labor at home, or if I rupture at home, or what hospital I should go to. He had zero interest whatsoever in my well being. ZERO. Total disregard for my feelings and how I've been handling things.

Is that not CRAZY?!?!?!

So me and Davey talked on the way home, and if I go into labor any earlier than 37 weeks, we're going to Springfield. Even if it's the evening of 36 weeks 6 days, we're heading to Springfield. I'm actually hoping that I go into labor during week 36 just so I don't have to deliver in Decatur. Isn't that sad?

On a good note though, it didn't appear that the fluid levels had gone up any. There were still 2 large pockets of fluid, but they didn't look any bigger than they did on Friday.

And the GREAT news? This little guy now weighs 4 pounds 2 ounces!!! He's in like the 93rd % for his weight! But for his height he's actually measuring a week behind, LOL. So he's apparently short and chubby. :) I have no clue how big this little guy is going to get, but I'm guessing once he gets to the 6 1/2 pound mark, I'm going to either start having contractions, or I'm going to just go into hard labor. That's what happened with the triplets- I got to the size my body thought was full term and I just went into labor. Their combined weights were 5lbs 14oz, but when you add in the 3 placentas and the 3 sacs of fluid I was about the same size I was when I delivered Kadence.

But we shall see. Right now my contractions are few and far between, and I'm really hoping it stays that way at least until week 35. By then, if he keeps gaining at a rate of an ounce a day, he will weigh almost 6 pounds. LOL. Pretty big for a 35-weeker!!


Here is my newest belly progression photo. My belly didn't grow a whole lot from week 27 to week 30 because of all of the fluid that I've lost, but baby has put on about a pound and a half since then! And I'm rounding out quite nicely, it looks like I have a basketball under my shirt now. :)

Tough.

The last couple of weeks have been tough. Really tough. I'm doing my best to cope with everything that has been thrown my way, but the days just keep getting longer and harder.


I am not a very patient person. I wish I were, but I'm not. If someone could show me a magic ball where I could just peek into the future and know what complications were going to arise, and when I was going to deliver, I could handle this all so much easier. I'm going to go into labor at home? Fine. When? I'm going to have a premature baby? Fine. What week?


I like information. I like it when the doctors are straight with me and tell me what will most likely happen. I like to search the internet for information so that I can educate myself. This not knowing is what's killing me. But there is no way of knowing, no crystal ball to peek into. According to the doctors, my fluid levels will most likely rise back to the level it was at previously by the end of next week. But it might not. Or it may rise by this Tuesday. They just don't know.


For now I'll just take comfort in the fact that tomorrow I'll be 30 weeks. The survival rate for 30-weekers is 95%, with just a 5% chance of long-term disabilities. Also I am thankful that this little guy is so big for his age. If he were born tomorrow he would probably be 4 pounds vs. where he "should" be which is 3 pounds. I am thankful that he has already received his doses of steroid shots for his lungs.


So while I have a lot on my mind, and a lot to worry about, I also have a lot to be thankful for. I need to try to refocus my thoughts to the good things, and try not to worry so much about what could go wrong. It's so hard not to worry though...